On a bit of a rant.

I need to get up out of my chair. NOW. I need to get back to work. NOW. I can't just yet.

 Last night, I cried and cried. First, I cried in anger - in rage. I railed at fate; the inevitability of it all. The more things change, the more they stay the same. 'Round and 'round we spin back to the same place we've always been.

Later, after a distraction, the second wave of sobs. This time I cried in shame.

I will sail out into my life, unchanged, unmarked. I will spend this week with friends and make new ones. I will come home to my husband and rejoice in our success. This rage and sadness will abate for me.

Because I am privileged in my skin tone.

I can ask for help from authority when I need it, unafraid, always.

I can walk alone and not fear that I will be stopped or accused or suspected.

This sadness and rage will abate for me.

After a time, my heart will quicken and be joyful.

I will be happy.

I am sad.